I’m on same level as Aier wtf??

The most ridiculous story was told to me today.

- It was already over.  Suzanne couldn’t do it anymore.  She said we can’t be friends.  A summer goes by and he didn’t say anything.  A little after school starts Aier ( the pathetic fool) hits her out of the blue saying hi and wants to be friends.  A little later on things get crumbled and they definitely cannot be friends.  Then Aier makes the most foolish move he bikes over to Suzanne’s house while her mom and sister are still there.  “There’s no fucking way you’re coming into my house,” she exclaims.  “You can’t be here!”  “Okay,” he sighs with grief and tells her, “I’m gonna wait by the lot for 10 minutes and if you don’t come I’ll just take it as you don’t care and you don’t want to be with me.”  While he left, Suzanne thought desperately of what to do.  She began to pant and become nervous, not out of a weakened or flattered heart, but of passionate fury and heated anger.  She summed up the courage to be calm and knew that she shouldn’t go and just leave him be.  10 minutes goes by and he looks up to find himself smiling in almost disbelief.  Suzanne had walked down, calm, beautiful and confidently smiling.  She went straight to the point saying, “I don’t like you anymore and I don’t give a shit.”  Aier furiously threw all the things he could at the floor and himself.  She saw him off thinking of how pathetic and pitiful he is. 

This boy is only 15 and I’m 21.  I’ve gone through this only a few times.  As pitiful sometimes and as pathetic in all.  Metaphorically I have done exactly as Aier.  I am as pathetic.  Even now as I anxiously want to be told to my face those same exact words it dawned on how pathetic it really is.  I am not going to be that fucking stupid any longer.  Heian.  A peaceful mind.  That’s what I have been trying to obtain this recently.  But I write this because I was shown two things that definitely stirred me up, but after this how pathetic am I?  I was about to stoop so low again and have her say it to my face.  Maybe a little different as in, “I don’t care, and right now there is someone else who has my affection. Someone who will treat me the way I should be treated.”  I was thinking this would satisfy my own pain.  But it won’t and I was about to be the fool I have always avoided to be.  So although I’m fighting myself to know anything else, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. It means I choose to be free.  Fuck the Po Po.  I plan to give everything back that ever had any heartfull meaning to it.  I plan to rebuild my own heart, but it’s only fair to let her have her full heart back for her next one to have.  It would’ve been better if it was never shown to me cause tonight is gonna be one hell of a night.  I’m breaking every philosophy and code in my way of life and gonna put my frustration and anguish into my Karate.  Whomever spars me tonight please pray for them because I’m gonna be one scary beast.