From the ashes, only the new can replace

The tear slid down the rough brown cheek only to not be noticed from the overwhelming buds of water emanating from the face.  The scorching blue flames engulfing the very sight before me.  Another bridge is burned to the ash.  Never again back whence I came.  As the flame is exhausted, I turn so as not to see the other side.  To weary to face the place that I had escaped to.  Another baron land lies before me.  No conquest, no glory, no riches.  Only a step forward is what can be had. 

3 … 0

Breeze swept across the calm water.  The scent of summer lifted to gently graze on the plateau of the senses.  Warmth from the ever glowing sun engulfs every feeling.  A slight shuffle forward to stumble in a sea of roses darkened by the comforting shadow of a magnificent cloud revealing a certain silver gleam.  One glance above blinds all sense of reason to shower drops of cold, sweet rain.  Only when looking down does it show the hollow person.  Through watching a reflection in every drop that falls does it reveal little by little the hollowness.  The empty eyes, the weakened torso, the pursed dry lips, whitened hair, the shape of a clenched fist.  Before revealing the full body, darkness befalls only with a faint light flickering in the distance.  As the flame’s playful dance stirs more an outline of a figure walks back and forth.  Viewing the scene as though it was a movie, the figure awaited anxiously for a response, only a bewildered, flustered face was the only image cleared up as the other figure walks away limping but smiling with a helping hand.  A sudden flash envelops the surroundings only to die down in front of many moments passing by.  The first vague moment pictures a slender woman lipping the words, “It can’t be.”  She turns only to have the hollow man keep hold yelling, “It shouldn’t be this way.”  With a tear journeying down her face to the ever brightened smile she says, “I’m happy, I have him.”  Not wanting to let go the hollow man disappears into the mist creeping unto the moment.  As the mist begins to clear a past moment appears as a meal happily finished for celebration of a single person.  A banquet fit for a princess.  Hours move by as the princess arrives to take one little bite after begging of the hollowed man,  only to say it is an unworthy taste.  No love could have been put into this.  The moment crumbles as though an earthquake rumbles the earth to descend onto the last clear moment, a hug.  This time, however, it is right in the moment.  Craving for just one hug, she denies him only to happily say that there is no need when only hate exists in her heart. It is brought back to a familiar scent of plush roses glistening by the overlooking moon guiding above.  I can’t say I miss you because it is taboo that leads to chaos.  I can not make anything of worth to even be thought of as a sincere heartfelt effort.  Unable to share a simple comforting warmth of a hug to express a small I love you.  1 led to 2 only to stay at 2 brought back to 1.  Left with sadness and emptiness.  It’s clear that there rather be someone else than me.  The last chance I had, left only to view the beautiful world around me hollow.  Each of you have another, to not just replace but erase or distract the presence and memory of me.  Frustration and anger at the blatant lie being placed in front of me.  My own lie merits this lie doesn’t it?  You hate me, you are disgusted with me and you distance me to have him.

(Does this actually work writing?  It just seems to make things clearer and cause a deeper cut. Not to be read, just written)

I’m on same level as Aier wtf??

The most ridiculous story was told to me today.

- It was already over.  Suzanne couldn’t do it anymore.  She said we can’t be friends.  A summer goes by and he didn’t say anything.  A little after school starts Aier ( the pathetic fool) hits her out of the blue saying hi and wants to be friends.  A little later on things get crumbled and they definitely cannot be friends.  Then Aier makes the most foolish move he bikes over to Suzanne’s house while her mom and sister are still there.  “There’s no fucking way you’re coming into my house,” she exclaims.  “You can’t be here!”  “Okay,” he sighs with grief and tells her, “I’m gonna wait by the lot for 10 minutes and if you don’t come I’ll just take it as you don’t care and you don’t want to be with me.”  While he left, Suzanne thought desperately of what to do.  She began to pant and become nervous, not out of a weakened or flattered heart, but of passionate fury and heated anger.  She summed up the courage to be calm and knew that she shouldn’t go and just leave him be.  10 minutes goes by and he looks up to find himself smiling in almost disbelief.  Suzanne had walked down, calm, beautiful and confidently smiling.  She went straight to the point saying, “I don’t like you anymore and I don’t give a shit.”  Aier furiously threw all the things he could at the floor and himself.  She saw him off thinking of how pathetic and pitiful he is. 

This boy is only 15 and I’m 21.  I’ve gone through this only a few times.  As pitiful sometimes and as pathetic in all.  Metaphorically I have done exactly as Aier.  I am as pathetic.  Even now as I anxiously want to be told to my face those same exact words it dawned on how pathetic it really is.  I am not going to be that fucking stupid any longer.  Heian.  A peaceful mind.  That’s what I have been trying to obtain this recently.  But I write this because I was shown two things that definitely stirred me up, but after this how pathetic am I?  I was about to stoop so low again and have her say it to my face.  Maybe a little different as in, “I don’t care, and right now there is someone else who has my affection. Someone who will treat me the way I should be treated.”  I was thinking this would satisfy my own pain.  But it won’t and I was about to be the fool I have always avoided to be.  So although I’m fighting myself to know anything else, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. It means I choose to be free.  Fuck the Po Po.  I plan to give everything back that ever had any heartfull meaning to it.  I plan to rebuild my own heart, but it’s only fair to let her have her full heart back for her next one to have.  It would’ve been better if it was never shown to me cause tonight is gonna be one hell of a night.  I’m breaking every philosophy and code in my way of life and gonna put my frustration and anguish into my Karate.  Whomever spars me tonight please pray for them because I’m gonna be one scary beast.

Away

What have I forgotten? What have I missed?  What have I thrown away?  If you gave up your passion what do you have left?  For some it’s the ones they love, others its what they love to do, and a lot it’s what they only know how to do.  But can it be ever reborn?  Or is it always there?  Letting go of it was so easy.  Finding out what it is again is so very hard.  My passion was always to fulfill my fantasies and visions.  They are still there but still that, a fantasy and a vision.  I can’t get myself to move it forward because I’m stuck in a fantastic vision.  I thought I was left here to figure that out but I’m actually brought back to the place where it was rooted.  When I finally find that passion again, I’ll have finally let go of that fantastic vision I’ve been holding on to.  So what is it for you?  What is your passion? I’ll tell you mine, it’s always been family.  Family of blood, family of brethren, family of faith, family of spirit and my own family.  I have no passion.  Thus if it isn’t for family I am heartless.  It started with the material, then the unattainable, then the manipulative, then the cumbersome, and ended with what was left of my heart.  Now with no heart, I am the passionless tin man, because wendy decides to play with it.

This is a test

This is only a test

"It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop."

— Wisdom of Confucius (via demo)

Life’s Journey

Throughout life we say we have lots of very good friends or even best friends. But you can truly only have one best friend. I’m glad your mine, cause the secret is, me and my best friend have fallen for each other and have never let it get in the way of being us. We live separate lives and have different ones whom we love, but its this one best friend thats different from all the others. Mine is neither a girl or a boy, mine is plainly my best friend. No label no strings attached, noting but the genuine pure friendship that only a few find. :D